


Hospital For Souls

by panicwith5sos (orphan_account)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Based on a Bring Me The Horizon Song, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Gen, Hospitals, Imported, Other, Souls, Spiritual, Supernatural Elements, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 18:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15149519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/panicwith5sos
Summary: "Where the hell am I?"He has 7 hours to decide. No more and no less.A Calum Hood AU fanfiction.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this work was imported from my old wattpad account, which is now deactivated at the time i posted this here. even though i don't stan 5sos anymore, i'm a sentimental person and i'd feel bad if this work were to be deleted completely. so i thought i should archive it here. anyway, this was written in 2016 and had 10 chapters in total. here, i'll compile it all into two chapters for convenience.
> 
> p.s - i reread the whole thing while moving it here and i'm super glad i dont write like this anymore phew!

It was cold. Very cold.

I opened my eyes, sucking in a deep breath. My chest felt different, hollow even, as though some crucial organ contained within the cages of the ribs had escaped. Struggling to pull myself into a sitting position, I took in my surroundings.

I was atop a bed with pale blue sheets, in a room with white walls. It was all a wash of arctic shades. There were harsh series of beeps splitting my ears unbearably and the sharp smell of antiseptic stung my nose.

"Guys, this isn't funny!" I called out indignantly.

Immediately, I caught the sounds of familiar voices before the door opened.

I straightened and hopped off my bed just as my family entered, all with masks of pain. Staring at them in confusion, I watched them.

My mother's features were streaked with tears, a hand over her mouth as she made her way towards me. Why was she crying? Maybe she found out about the things I've done but wouldn't believe them. Shame squeezed my chest at the sight but I stayed rooted to the spot, unblinking.

Beside her, my father had his arm around her, wearing a tight expression. He was trying not to lose his composure, possibly for the sake of my mother. He didn't even look at me. Of course he wouldn't. My father was never home and I rarely got to se him because of his 'work'.

And there was Mali trailing behind them. Her cheeks had broken out in splotchy patches of red, indicating that she had been overset not long ago. Her eyes were moist and her nails bitten down to the beds. She was supposed to be at her new college in Perth, studying Law like she always wanted to. But she never returned home unless there was a seasonal holiday.

There was a soft knock on the door when a familiar blond head peeked round it. "Do you mind if I ... ?" The boy trailed off, eyes flashing with hesitance.

"Oh, yes. Please, do come in." My father said in a low rumbling tone.

The boy nodded and entered, taking a shaky breath. His lower lip wobbled, eyes threatening to spill tears. "I tried to stop him."

"You done what you could." Mali said softly, touching his shoulder. "Don't blame yourself."

"I should've tried harder." He added, one last time, before leaving his self-recriminations to himself.

They set towards me.

Then they walked past me.

"Mom? Dad? Mali?" I turned around and felt a shock jolt through me.

They had gathered around the hospital bed where a body laid, unmoving.

The only visible signs that it was alive was the fluttering breaths that moved its chest upwards and down. Its eyes were closed and its cheeks a pale color despite its tanned skin. Tubes were stuck into its mouth, pumping liquid out from the inside.

It took me a moment to register that face as mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
>  Everybody wants to go to heaven  
> But nobody wants to die  
> \- Hospital For Souls by Bring Me The Horizon
>>
>>> **BEGIN**

As soon as I heard my mother's car pull out of the driveway, I leapt out of bed, pulling on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, a gray Beatles t-shirt sporting a few holes here and there, and a pair of Black Vans as hurriedly as I could.

I was running awfully late. No doubt Jordan and his crew would be pissed that I couldn't arrive on time. I hoped they wouldn't kick me out, not after I've worked so hard to wedge my way into their circle.

Grabbing the keys off my dresser, I made my way out of the house, making sure to lock the front door when I turned around and screamed.

Before me stood a figure, glaring down at me with hazel eyes. Its arms were on its hips, features twisted into a disapproving scowl. "And what do you think you're doing??" It demanded.

Once I managed to steady my heart rate, a flash of indignation sparked in me. "What the fuck, man?"

"It's Ashton, not _man_." He muttered as he fixed his glasses that perched atop his nose, visibly miffed by the tone and imprecation I had used. "You'd think that being your neighbor for the past 17 years would actually make _you_ remember _my_ name."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes in exasperation, shoving my hands into my pockets.

Ashton and I used to be very close when we grew up in this small town but ever since I turned 13, the friendship sorta fizzled out. I tended to hang out with the more popular kids, and Ashton being a shy person, preferred to spend his free time in the library.

Ashton's hard look softened into something else. "Calum, don't do this again."

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Don't you ever take a moment to think about how other people feel about you being this rebellious?"

I snorted, shaking my head. "Look, I don't have time for your boring lecture. I'm running late." I said, not too kindly and shoved past him, breaking into a run.

Even if I acted like I didn't care, his words resonated loudly in my head.

***

As soon as I made it to the street where Jordan's SUV was parked, the first thing I saw was that impatient expression on his face.

"You're late." He announced from the open window of the driver's seat as though it needed to be said.

I bit my lip, shrugging. "I had to wait for my mom to take the night shift and my lame-ass neighbor basically schooled me on the way so --"

The car window behind Jordan's rolled down, revealing a cheeky-looking boy sporting piercings on his lips. "Dude! Less talk, more partying!"

He was definitely high on the weed he smoked because usually he was quieter.

"Gotcha Johnnie." I mumbled.

Jordan gestured beside him. "Come on. Are you gonna stand there _all_ night? I saved the shotgun seat for you."

I grinned, jogging round the car before getting into my designated place, hearing Kyle, one of Jordan's friends, complain about Alex, another of Jordan's friends, stepping on his toes in a comical manner.

"So whose party are we going to tonight?" I asked just as Jordan began to drive.

Jordan tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the alternative rock music blaring out of the speakers. "Richie's"

"Awesome." I said, pushing back my hair from my forehead. I could feel my nerves tingling with a sort of rush, and anxiety percolating in my chest. "So when are we coming back?" I asked.

"Do you _always_ ask a lot of questions?" Johnnie inquired curiously, slurring. "I mean, no offense, but it's kinda annoying."

I glanced back, finding him staring at me with wide eyes. "Yes, apparently I do because I just wanna make sure."

He pouted. "Jeez, you really need to lighten up." He lit up another joint, putting it in between his lips and drawing in smoke.

I felt annoyance snap in me but smirked at them. "Just messing with ya."

He grinned in reply. "I like you! And rainbow unicorns."

"I think Johnnie smoked one too many joints." Alex laughed and pulled him back so he wasn't leaning into my ear and trying to lick my cheek.

It wasn't long till we reached Richie's place.

***

Loud and heavy bass lines reverberated through the floor when we entered the house, immediately welcomed by the smell of intermingling perfumes, sweat and alcohol. The entryway was dim but crowded by many bodies, most of which were necking against the walls.

I glanced curiously around, not quite sure how to make of it all when Jordan bumped my shoulder.

"You look queasy." He observed, narrowing his eyes.

"Nah." I shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to look as if I wasn't fazed by the number of people present. "Must've been something I ate." I lied, mumbling.

Jordan continued to stare at me with skepticism written all over his features. Something flashed in his expression - and I felt my anxiety level spike - before he smiled, though it wasn't very assuring.

"Whatever you say, Calum. We were thinking of playing a little game later with Richie. You wanna join or what?" He glanced at the people in the doorway.

It wasn't that I didn't want to get with someone. I did want to, by tonight, for fun. But at the same time, I lacked the enthusiasm to do so because my nerves were biting into me. I had to loosen up.

"By any chance, is the game you're playing involving drinks?"

Jordan grinned. " _Now_ we're talking."

***

"Like nobody in my family gives a shit about me, ya know?" A giggle escaped from my lips as I downed more of the liquid down my throat, savoring the burn as it went down. "Dad's always at work, Mom's never home. Even my sister Mali's off in Perth chasing her dream."

"Damn that sucks." Alex said, taking a long drag from his joint. He exhaled, releasing multiple rings on smoke into the air. "Your family's a bunch of assholes."

Jordan poured himself another round of shots, grinning. "You have us now. Who needs them anyway?"

I felt my mouth curl upwards as I swirled the remainder of the spirits in my cup. " _Exactly_." I agreed, chuckling. Reaching out, I grabbed a joint from Alex's hand, wanting to get higher.

Richie, the host, pointed a skinny finger at me in amusement. Creases appeared on his forehead as he paused to think. "Hey, what's your name again?"

"Collum." I slurred. "Sorry, _Cal_ -um."

"Calum!" Richie exclaimed, smirking. "Wanna play a game?"

"What game?" I asked, frowning.

"A chugging contest."

Alex laughed incredulously, shaking his head and causing his dreadlocks to fly around. "What are we? Kids?"

"Ooh, sounds fun." I perked up.

Richie passed me a bottle of vodka and grabbed another for himself. His lips formed an incongruous smile, crooked. "Whoever chugs _all_ of it down first --"

"There you are!" A peremptory voice said in an admonishing tone.

Frowning, I turned around, wanting to tell whoever it was to fuck off. "What do you want?" I snapped.

The person was struggling against Kyle and Jordan who were trying to push him out. "Calum, it's me, Ashton!"

"Ashton?" Alex's voice dripped contempt. " _Oh_ , it's that loser from school. Sorry, but your study group session's across the street."

"Let me go!" Ashton brought his foot down on Jordan's and pushed his elbow hard against Kyle's face. Free of the resistance, he made his way towards me, an thunderous look on his face. "You'll kill yourself."

A wave of anger made blood roar in my ears.

Who was Ashton to care about me anyway? Who was he to tell me what's good for me and what's not.

Without thinking, I threw a fist forward, earning the satisfying force of impact against Ashton. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I punched him harder than I had intended. Not that I cared anyway.

He keeled over really quick, groaning in pain with a hand over his cheek where I made my mark. A line of scarlet dribbled down from the side of his mouth. And he looked up at me, wide hazel eyes filled with unfamiliarity and fear. "Who are you?"

I laughed, chugging down the whole bottle. It was like drinking liquid fire but the sensation was gratifying. Once I was done, my head was already fogging up, vision turning darker at the corners. "I'm Calum Hood and I want to die."

The next thing I knew, I was collapsing onto the floor.

* * *

 

**VII**

"Mom! Dad!" I called out, hearing my voice break. "That's not me!" Reaching out, I tried to grab them by their shoulders and turn them around so that they were looking at their _real_ son.

However as soon as my hand connected with their bodies, it evaporated like mist.

I gasped in shock, pulling back. My hand was back to normal. "What the fuckery." I looked back at my parents, then at Mali. Moving forward, I stood in front of her, certain that she wouldn't miss the sight of me.

She was staring, brown-eyes moist but they weren't on me.

I waved my hand before her.

Nothing happened. Not even a flash of recognition nor realization. My chest squeezed tightly.

I drew out short and panicked breaths, chest rattling hollowly with an ache. "Guys!" I yelled, glancing at Ashton.

He didn't see me either.

I swiveled round on my heel, regarding the recumbent body on the bed for any signs.

It was most definitely me.

But at the same time I refused to accept that.

I mean, I was alive, wasn't I? I thrusted my palm on its face but my hand passed through it like smoke. In a fit of frustration, I yelled curses at it and kicked the bed, to no avail. Once I was exhausted, I pressed my hand to my chest.

And felt nothing.

Not even a heartbeat.

With my insides coalescing into ice, I made my way away from them to the corner of the room, sinking to a sitting position. My eyes were smarting from the pressure of tears, streaking down my face.

Denial and disbelief clawed my mind and my heart, sending me into a terrible state of mind. I couldn't be. "No! This isn't possible! I'm supposed to be alive!" I sobbed aloud, the effort scraping my throat raw.

I began to cry, not wanting to accept that I was most likely dead, forced to wander the world in this form. I would be unable to do so many things and countless regrets percolated within me.

It wasn't long before they left, leaving me alone with, well, myself. Then the door opened once again, but the person who entered wasn't anyone from my family.

In fact, it was a boy, about my age, that I hadn't met before. The first thing I noticed was how cold his eyes were. His irises were the color of those blue bands sometimes found in icebergs. And they had a peculiar quality to it, as though it glowed.

He was lanky, not to mention tall as well and his features, though handsome, was timeless, in a way. His blond hair fell in a fringe across his forehead.

But what shocked me was that he was looking straight at me, with that arctic gaze of his. He cocked his head, something flickering behind his impassive expression.

"You must be Calum Thomas Hood." He said gently, enough for me to not be weirded out by the fact that this total stranger knew my name.

I glanced around in surprise then at him. "You ... can _see_ me?"

He nodded and extended a hand. "Of course I can. I'm your Soul Guard. My name's Luke."

I didn't move. "What do you mean _Soul Guard_?" I demanded, very much confused by how this day was turning out.

He chuckled, features turning into a bright and friendly grin. His hand didn't waver. "All in good time --"

Luke was interrupted by a loud and high unearthly wailing that made my hairs stand. His eye widened, his affable tone replaced with surprise. "They came faster than I thought they would." He whispered under his breath.

His lanky stature belied his strength as he hauled me up to my feet. "You must follow me. Run when I tell you to. And do _not_ look back, whatever the circumstance. Now _go!_ " He shoved me towards the door.

Too shocked to argue by the sudden change of the situation, I yanked the door open and stepped into the hallway. There were regular doctors, nurses and the occasional patient walking past me but they paid no heed to my presence.

Luke was right behind me and he began to push me once more. "You must move, Calum!"

"I'm going I'm going!" I snapped and broke into a quick jog down the corridor. It was hard shouldering past the medical staff, careful not to bump into them. I didn't know where we were going but my body seemed to.

The ghastly noise I had heard earlier in the hospital room sounded closer this time, echoing around the walls and scraping my eardrums.

Behind me, Luke gasped. I figured whatever he saw was horrible enough for him to yell " _Run_!" next.

He didn't have to order me to for I could feel a dark and cold presence chasing us. The wails became louder and was followed by noise of claws clacking against the polished floors.

Bursts of adrenaline pumped into my veins as I exerted myself to go faster than I had ever done before, twisting round corners and dashing down the hospital corridors. I didn't even notice Luke who was keeping apace beside me.

"Here!" He darted forward, kicking a random door open. It didn't help matters when behind it was a pool of swirling darkness, which should not have been there. I stopped short just as Luke looked over his shoulder, his hand gripping the doorjamb.

"Wait what am I supposed to do?"

He held me by the shoulder and arm. "On three, jump."

"Wait --"

" _Three_!"

And against my volition, I was shoved roughly forward, plunging headlong into the pitch-black abyss.

***

Wind tore at my face, shrieking in my ears and buffeting me with cold currents. I had my eyes squeezed shut but that didn't make it any less scarier. My arms flailed outwards, hands trying to find purchase on anything that might break my fall but I only caught air.

The tingling at the pit of my stomach intensified to the point that it felt like thousands of tiny pinpricks were embedding themselves into my abdomen repeatedly.

And then I heard them.

The moans of agony, the curses of hatred, the wails of regret. They were everywhere; all around me and in my head. I couldn't tell whether it was my imagination or all of it was real.

_Oh God, save me from them!_

_I should've apologized to them when I had the chance._

_I hope you will burn in Hell!_

And then it all stopped.

There was a sudden drop in pressure, causing my ears to pop before I collided against a cold and flat surface on my back.

The impact of the landing had knocked the wind out of my lungs, leaving me lying as I struggled to breathe. Pain erupted all over my body as I rolled to my side, groaning.

"Oh, Calum." I heard Luke say and felt his hand touch my arm. "I am sorry for pushing you earlier --"

"No worries." I managed in a husky croak, opening my eyes slowly. I was lying on a polished floor and ahead of me stretched a hallway, complete with doors to rooms on either sides.

I widened my eyes, scrambling to my feet and momentarily forgetting I had basically landed hard on the floor. The abrupt movement jarred my ankle but I was too deep in disbelief to notice. "Why are we back here at the hospital?" I demanded, swiveling round to face Luke.

Detachedly, I noticed Luke's blue eyes flicker brighter with a icy flames.

"What you are seeing now is a physical manifestation of our destination." He replied in the same calm tone.

"What?"

"Your mortal mind would not handle it if it were revealed to you in its true form." He added.

I shook my head, very much gobsmacked with confusion to even process what he was talking about. "What the shit was _that_ just now with the black hole??" I demanded. " _Who_ was chasing us earlier? What am _I_ doing here? Where the hell am I?"

"Calum, I need you to calm down --"

"No! Just fucking tell me!" I yelled and a wave of nausea hit me, making my vision blur momentarily. My knees buckled under me as I toppled over like a rag doll.

Fortunately I was saved getting my face ruined by Luke, who caught me by the arm and slung it over him so that I was leaning on him. "You must calm yourself down." He advised again. "Jumping between planes of existence takes a toll on your spirit."

"Gee, thanks for the heads-up." I muttered sarcastically, blinking out the stars that dotted my vision.

"You're welcome." He replied, immune to the fact that I didn't mean what I had said and setting me on the floor with my back against the wall.

After a few minutes had passed, I felt the dizziness wash away. "Now will you answer my question?" I asked, scrubbing the back of my hand across my face.

"To answer your questions, you must allow me to explain everything to you. Do not interrupt."

"I'm listening."

Luke nodded. "You, Calum Hood, are drifting in between the regions of life and death."

"I am _alive_." I protested indignantly, however my mind replayed the memory of earlier, the time when I realized I had no heartbeat in mutiny. "Am I?" I whispered, sounding very unsure to my own ears.

"What did I say?" Luke's eyes flickered a glacial gleam.

"No interruptions. Sorry."

"You _are_ alive, but _barely_. The thread that connects your corporeal form and your spiritual form weakens by the moment. In this state, you are vulnerable to attacks, the sort we had encountered whilst we were traveling between the planes of reality. And it is in this state when you are given, depending on your condition, time to decide whether you want to continue your existence in the world of the living or join the ranks of the dead."

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"And, in accordance to _your_ condition," Luke paused, reaching to lift my forearm, turning it over. "You have 7 hours left."

I glanced downwards and nearly jumped out of my skin. There was a mark, the sort that resembled a tattoo, yet not quite. It was the darkest shade of black, inked in the simple design of _VII_. And it was pulsing as though it were following the beat of my heart. I stared at it, lips parted but no words came out.

"And as your Soul Guard, it is my duty to defend you as well as advise you on your decision."

"B-But what if I don't choose?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

Luke shook his head. "You will be stuck here and eventually fade into Oblivion. And to answer your question as to where you are, this is the Hospital For Souls. Here is the place where souls come to rest their troubled minds and recover the views they have lost. But be warned, once you make your choice there will be no turning back.

* * *

 

**VI**

After Luke had finished answering my questions, he began to lead me down the hallways of this place. The number of those corridors seemed endless and there weren't any signs indicating which ward we were in or anything of the sort that one would associate with seeing in a hospital.

Even though Luke did say this _was_ a hospital of a sort, there wasn't a single patient in sight. I frowned at the rows and rows of closed doors, wondering idly what I could find behind them. I knew I should be contemplating whether I wanted to live or die but I have always been a curious person so being in a place like this certainly had my brain running.

I decided to raise the question as we turned round a corner. "If this is a hospital, where's everybody? Like, don't people die everyday?" I asked with a slight frown on my face, walking faster so that I was beside Luke.

He didn't seem to mind that my inquiry was a little crude, instead appeared as though he were used to it. "You are seeing only what your mortal mind can handle." He replied as the corridor opened up into a spacey area.

It took me a moment to register that we were in what looked like a waiting area. Against the wall sat comfy-chairs and a magazine stand. There was even a slow, calming soundtrack playing but then again that could just be my mortal mind or whatever Luke preferred to describe it.

"Wait here." He ordered, directing me to one of the chairs. "I will be back."

With a bemused frown, I did as I was told, sitting on one of those chairs as Luke approached a reception desk. Because there was already a piece of paper and a pen on its surface, Luke began to scribble away, a mask of concentration overtaking his features. Once he was finished, he muttered something under his breath and the paper burst spontaneously into flames.

I could only stare in openmouthed horror while Luke simply observed the the embers die and turn into ashes. Once it was done, he turned around and approached me.

A worried expression flashed across his features when he saw the look on my face. "Is there something wrong, Calum?"

"N-Nothing." I shook my head rapidly, deciding against pointing it out. "Just wanted to practice my facial expressions."

He stared at me.

"Secret hobby of mine." I bluffed with a dismissive tone so that he would stop making me feel so uncomfortable.

Luke shrugged once then took a seat beside me, clasping his hands together as a thoughtful expression crossed his features. "Now that I have reported to my superiors, I shall continue to entertain your questions. So ask away, Calum Hood."

The questions burned in my head, all clamoring to be asked. I didn't want to seem particularly nosy nor annoying but then Luke appeared as though he was ready for it so I voiced my thoughts. "Are there more like you?"

Luke simply raised his eyebrows as a small smile played across his lips. It only occurred to me as an expression of his amusement, as though he had anticipated I would ask that.

"Like I said." He reminded. "You only see what your mind can handle. Although any Soul Guards can choose to be seen by you."

"And what about you?"

"It is my mandate to remain visible for your eyes as I am your Soul Guard." He replied in a matter-of-factly manner. "For example," He pointed at a corner where a potted plant stood. "Over there's Patrick."

"I don't see Patrick." I frowned at him, wondering if this guy was crazy.

"That means he chooses not to be seen by you. Oh, he's waving now." Luke waved at the potted plant's direction.

Thankfully the plant didn't wave back.

I couldn't resist scowling at him for the way he was acting. Although his tone was mild, there was something about him that ticked me off.

Perhaps it was because he seemed so unaffected by my behavior or that every word was arranged in a way that made him sound amused, condescending even. Either way, I found him, his stupid perfect face and hair, less and less bearable.

I decided to test him because I had a sneaking suspicion that he was messing around with my head. And I did _not_ like to be messed around with.

"So." I began. drawling out casually. "Can you tell me more about people like you? Um, what were you guys called --"

"Soul Guards." Luke corrected. "We are spirits assigned to assist a soul when they are hovering between life and death."

"Assigned by who?" I demanded skeptically.

"The Higher." He said. "They are as old as the laws of the Universe and they handle everything that happens, as long as they _will_ it. If it weren't for them, the dimensions as we know it will cease to exist and fall back into Chaos. Although it is entirely up to them, I am sure your world will end soon."

Whoever the Higher was, they sounded a _lot_ like asses. Who would want to destroy _our_ world? I mean, sure it was messed up in some way but it did have its amazing quirks. Maybe Luke had messed them up with the _Big Guy_ up there in the sky or the capital-S _Something_.

Either way it was difficult to stomach down - not that I wanted to - the information.

Unconvinced, I tried another approach. "Say a soul arrives here at this Hospital and they choose to die, will they go to Heaven?"

At this question, I was finally satisfied with Luke's reaction.

His forehead creased and his blue eyes seemed to dull with hesitation. He pressed his lips into a white line thoughtfully for a moment.

But my triumph was short lived when he spoke.

"I know this is a subtle way of asking. I have guided many souls and often do they inquire me this. Tell me, Calum Hood, why do you really want to die?"

I shifted on the bench, not expecting him to shoot a question back at me. I thought about the reason why I might want to die and immediately the image of my family popped in my head.

My father was never home, often gone for weeks at his workplace. It wasn't as if he would care if I was gone anyway, since his career always seem to come first.

The same can be said for my mother, who spent the day and night working shifts at the supermarket and the tailor shop. Though she was rarely home, she never bothered to show me signs that she cared for my wellbeing.

And there was my sister. We used to be very close but all that changed when she moved to a new city to study Law like she always wanted. However when the holidays rolled around, she never came back home to see her own family. She did contact us from time to time but mostly it was only for a short period before she excused herself.

Hot resentment and anger welled in my chest when I thought of how selfish my family was. Why should I return anyway? It wasn't as if they would care. If I was gone, that would mean there was one last burden to support in my family.

I scrubbed the back of my hand across my face but it came away moist with tears. I bit my lip and turned my face away so Luke wouldn't see me cry.

I felt Luke touch my shoulder in sympathy. If I were in my usual self, I would've shrugged it away but his gesture made me feel even more ashamed of who I am.

"Everything happens for a reason as should every decision be made for a reason as well." Luke explained softly. "You must be specific as to why you wish to leave the world of the living or to return to it. Those are the rules. I am sorry but I cannot answer your question."

"Why not?" I demanded aloud, suddenly very irritated.

He was unfazed by my sudden outburst. "You see, many mortals have different beliefs of the word _Heaven_. Some are convinced it is a place of resting. Others say that it is where the souls enjoy the rewards of their virtues. All these attribute to the influence of their faiths."

"But we are going Somewhere, right? Like with a capital S." I said.

He didn't reply, instead remained silent as though I hadn't uttered a word.

"I knew it." I said, feeling a hot tide rise at the back of my throat, making my blood boil. It wasn't helping that I was triggered earlier. I began to get up, glaring hard at him. "You're just messing around with me."

Luke had the audacity to give me an incredulous stare. "I am _not_." He said quietly and the color in his irises shifted into a colder shade of blue.

"You think you can fool me by talking in that ... that way you do. All stiff and formal. Do I really look _that_ stupid? You think _I_ don't know _you're_ my age?" I snapped, grabbing him by the collar in anger.

"Careful now, mortal." Luke began with a low voice. "I am much older than the age you think I am, Calum Hood." He warned.

"You're not!" I spat and shoved him hard against the wall. "You're just some pretentious idiot my family convinced to mess me around so that I would think they're perfect. Well, they're _fucking_ not and I don't want to be messed around by the likes or you!"

I grabbed him once again, determined to punch him in the face. I wanted to make him bleed for being such an asswipe and for thinking I was gullible enough to believe his lies.

Suddenly the skin on my hands flared with heat, making me release him in a reflex. I gasped, leaping away as I watched scene before me in horror.

Luke's figure began to burn away,his skin turning to ashes and revealing another golden layer beneath it. His form blazed with harsh light, radiating enough heat and power to sear the air around him, causing it flicker like a mirage.

I stumbled back, tripping over my own feet and landed on the floor with a hard bump. The impact jolted up my spine but I couldn't feel it.

Something was pumping within me and it took me a second to register it as pure fear. A cry escaped from my lips as the blazing figure took a step forward and spoke.

It didn't have a voice, only a high melodious note escaping from it yet I could understand with perfect clarity of its words.

" _You_ dare _to believe I speak lies? Little mortal, you know_ nothing _of what lies beyond your worlds. You know_ nothing _of what goes on in the realms of darkness, of how souls go missing in the shadows. And as your Soul Guard I am here to protect you from such horrors_ yet _you dare to belittle and curse me!_ "

I didn't know how but by some stroke of luck, my terror-locked limbs moved and I found myself scrambling away from the entity before me.

I was running down the hallways but not once did I scream.

* * *

 

**V**

The image of Luke's burning form was seared in my mind as I dashed blindly down the hallways and round corners.

Not once did I stop to check whether he was following me or not.

Panting hard, I kicked one of the doors in the hallway to force it open so I could hide inside but the force only jarred my ankle.

I cursed aloud and tried to break down another door with my shoulder in desperation however to no avail.

Tears were streaming down my face as I let loose a scream, the shock and fear I had experience in the past hour or so threatening to fray my sanity. The effort itself helped a little but it sapped away whatever energy that was left within me. With my back against the wall, my knees buckled beneath me as I collapsed to the ground, too shaken.

How the hell did this happen to me? Why was I experiencing this? It couldn't be possible.

Small choking sobs escaped from my lips as I pulled my knees to my body and hugged it, rocking back and forth. I hadn't done this ever since I was 10 when a best friend whom I had known for a long time died.

"I-I just want to g-get out of this h-hellhole." I stuttered in between sobs. "IS IT THAT MUCH TO ASK FOR, HUH _GOD_?"

If I had been expecting anything at all, like perhaps a ray of light shining through or Jesus strolling down the hall or whatever holy being who would spontaneously stumble upon me, nothing happened.

Except for that door down the hallway.

Through tear-misted eyes, I watched as the door creaked open by a crack, revealing white light behind it. I glanced and saw the Exit sign above it.

Although this could be my chance to escape this fucking place, I was hesitant. I glanced around to see if there was anyone in sight.

There was no one.

I looked down at my forearm. The black mark was slightly faded around the edges and it still pulsed but there was something different about it.

It wasn't a _VII_ anymore. It was a _V_.

That meant 5 hours, if I wasn't mistaken. How had I lost track of the previous hour?

I turned my attention to the open door. The gap was getting bigger now and more light was pouring out, as if it were encouraging me to enter the room behind it.

"5 hours, huh? I guess I could explore a little before coming back here." I decided to myself, mumbling.

I set towards the door. The light had a calming effect on me when I opened the door a little and stepped inside the room.

It was a pure white space around me though it appeared to stretch on forever. The light I had seen spilling out from the gap was now about 10 feet away from me. I raised my eyebrows.

Not knowing what else to do, I took a step forward. But no sooner did I make within a feet of the door did the floor beneath me gave way.

I didn't have a moment to scream when the space around me turned pitch black. Wind began to whip at my body, howling loudly in my ears as my stomach tingled. I was plunging, and I didn't know why, at a speed that would've broken my neck.

I flailed blindly, trying to find anything I could grab to break my fall but there was nothing.

All too soon, I impacted hard against something hard again. The force knocked the breath out of me and from the velocity of the fall caused stars to dance across my vision. Pain erupted on my back as I tried to roll over.

Once I had recovered, I took in my surroundings.

All around me the world was dark and gray, with mist snaking near the ground. There was a smell that I couldn't identify hanging in the air though it did remind me of the scent of a river, heavy and full of silt. Struggling to my feet, I brushed off the dirt and made a full turn.

A small choked laugh escaped from my throat. I finally got out of that damned hospital!

" _HAH_!" I yelled aloud, grinning like an idiot. "Y'all _thought_ you could trap me in that stupid hospital? Well guess what! I'm already outside and there's _nothing_ you pretentious bastards can do!" I laughed, flipping rude gestures in triumph.

It was a victorious feeling doing what others said I couldn't do but here I was. I smirked to myself and shouted, "FUCK YOU, LUKE!"

Satisfied, I spun around on my heel and began to search my way around. The scenery around me came in the same uniform shade of gray as if everything had been sucked of its color. There were buildings in the distance however when one would've expected at least some lights to be left on, none were to be seen.

The longer I walked, the more I expected myself to feel proud that I had practically defied that asshat Luke. But that wasn't the case.

Every step I took felt more and more lighter and the tight knot of unease in my chest tightened. It wasn't long till I began to stumble after a few feet of distance.

I knew something was wrong. This shouldn't be happening.

My vision began to blur and I felt my knees give way beneath me. The air around me was growing colder, seeping the warmth out of me. My breaths became shorter and labored until it felt like I was beginning to choke myself.

Before me, something stirred the mist and a figure came to view. Briefly I considered calling for help with whatever energy I had left but as it got closer I noticed it was far too tall and slender to even resemble that of a human.

Fear began to snake its icy touch in my veins.

From the creature's head sprouted elegantly curling horns. Its features were horribly disfigured; its eyes were scarlet with ugly slashes for pupils and dagger sharp teeth stuck out from its mouth. It had legs that were cloven while and hands that were clawed. A tail swished back and forth, its arrowhead tip slicing the air. It flicked out its tongue like a snake tasting the air.

Then it faced me.

I felt icy rakes of fear down my chest as it made its way towards me on all fours, making small chittering sounds of delight. My breath was locked in my chest as it made within an arm's reach on me.

Flicking its tongue out experimentally over my cheek, it focused its red eyes when suddenly it snapped forward.

Pain stabbed my neck as it sank its dagger-like teeth in me. My vision blurred black for a second before memories began flashing past my eyes.

Those vivid images, the moments I had all experienced in my life, began graying at the edges before it was entirely consumed by the color. I started to feel icy pricks drive themselves into my extremities, spreading its touch towards my bodies.

The intense sensation of what felt like death drew closer to me, squeezing my life out of my chest. Every breath came out shorter and more labored until it felt like every effort to breathe made my chest burn. Tears slid down my cheeks as I silently begged it to stop the torture.

Its gravelly voice chuckled inside my head, bearing cadences that resembled crackling fire. " _Foolish mortal. You should have known better than to escape the haven that protects you from the likes of my kind. I have not fed for a millennia and your soul provides the ideal sustenance for me to continue my existence in this realm_."

" _Too bad your little Soul Guards won't be able to protect you now. Too bad you won't be able to see the sacrifices your family has made to make your sorry life better. Now, one less pitiful soul for the universe to look after._ "

Just as it felt like the last breath was stolen from me, there was a loud rumble that shook the ground. The sudden noise startled the creature, who released its clamp on me and hissed unintelligible words.

Now that it was off me, I felt some of myenergy return back into my veins but I was still weak and in a state of shock, trembling like a leaf in the wind.

The creature bared its teeth, dripping with scarlet liquid. "Why don't you play with your toys with your brethren? Mind your own business!"

"Oh, but that boy is my business." A cool and smug voice replied. "And so is eliminating chaotic scum like you."

* * *

 

**IV**

The scene that unfolded before me was etched into my memory the moment it unfolded.

The creature snarled, releasing its grip on me and turned its head in the direction of the voice. Its clawed hands raked the ground as if preparing itself to rip apart whoever had interrupted it from snacking on my soul. Getting on all fours, its tail swished around in anticipation as it spat curses in its crackling language.

I lifted my gaze weakly, catching the sight of a figure standing a distance away with an insouciant posture. It was leaning against something that resembled that of a large double-handed sword that had been impaled to the ground. I couldn't see his features.

"You done wasting your breath, lizard ass?" The figure asked in a bored tone. "I mean I'm _amazed_ by your vocabulary of profanities but _really_ , you and your kind are such a bore."

The demon snarled, baring its fangs. Its body tensed, tight as a coiled spring. I had watched enough wildlife documentaries to recognize this stance.

Without sparing a moment to wait for the figure to mouth it off, the demon lunged straight for him. The movement itself was insanely fast that my eyes could only catch up by the parting of mist that revealed it.

The figure didn't so much as bat an eyelid, not even when the demon's claws were inches away from its chest.

Suddenly it was as if time slowed.

Just as the demon made contact with the figure, it was thrown back by a powerful gust of wind that blew from nowhere. It yelped in surprise, landing in a heap beside me.

The figure simply laughed as a large gale began to pick up in the area. He yanked the sword out of the ground when dark clouds coalesced, swirling around him as though he was the eye of the hurricane. Forks of lightning webbed outwards of the figure's body as he stepped forward. He said something over the howl of winds, the very same language the demon spoke.

In response, the demon snarled and lunged again, this time determined to destroy whatever it was that was defending me.

The two entities battled fiercely, silhouettes blurring with the speed they were attacking each other at. I could only follow their movements by watching the glint of the sword belonging to the mystery figure.

The demon slashed savagely, swinging at such force that would tear someone's head off. Its claws connected with the figure.

But just as I thought the damage would be done, the figure dissipated with a loud electrical crackle before materializing behind the demon. He spun on his heel, slicing his blade downwards.

The demon rolled out of the way in an attempt to evade the attack but it reacted too late. The sword sliced off the arrowhead tail, blackish fluid tainting the glittering silvery metal.

The demon roared in enraged pain, dropping to its forelimbs and kicking both hind-legs out savagely.

The force threw the figure backwards, this time he wasn't able to use whatever storm magic it was using. He swore angrily as he crashed against the ground, his form rippling away momentarily.

The true form of the figure resembled a human's. He had blond hair so fair it nearly looked white, features that appeared around my age, although there was the same timeless appearance to it. His green eyes flashed gray as he fixated his gaze on the charging demon. Despite the purpling mark appearing on his forehead, he grinned and let out a loud yell. Suddenly, lightning spiderwebbed outwards.

The bolts didn't hit me but it zapped straight at the demon. The forks of electricity paralyzed the demon in its tracks, long enough for the boy to jump to his feet, pulling the sword with him. Leaping, he swung his blade downwards on the demon.

Metal cleaved through flesh and bone as dark liquid exploded when the demon was split into half. Where its blood landed, there was a sinister sizzling sound. Some of it splashed on my cheek. At first, it was icy cold against my skin.

I thought I had imagined the sound.

Hardly than a millisecond later, the blood began to burn my skin, searing blisters into my flesh with a sizzling noise. A guttural cry of pain tore itself out of me as I tried to get the demonic body fluid off me. Rubbing my hand over my face, I only managed to spread it, causing more burns.

" _Idiot!_ " The boy hissed, yanking my hands away from my face as I squirmed in pain. "Fuck! Just stay still!" Soon enough, his knees pinned my arms in place as he straddled my chest. A look of panic and urgency overtook his features as he pulled a knife from his belt.

Fear was still pulsing in my veins and the moment I saw his blade, madness overtook my brain and caused me to think he wanted to kill me. I screamed, thrashing against him.

The boy was thrown off balance for a moment, cursing before he punched my temple. I blacked out momentarily, coming to only to see the boy cut a gash in his forearm. He bit back a cry. Where scarlet liquid should've leaked out, golden ichor dripped out.

His face was contorted in pain but as soon as his blood fell on my face, the pain dissolved away, replaced by a warmth that mended the damage. I froze, hearing my own ragged breathing as the healing effect took place.

The boy, seeing that I had stopped acting like a possessed madman, got off of me and pulled his wounded arm away. His eyes were unreadable as he steadied his breathing. The torn skin began to join where the gash had separated them until there was no evidence of whatever damage he had done.

I hadn't moved from my place, lying on my back as I watched the boy get to his feet, shaking his head. He paused to catch his himself before he straightened up.

Jerking his head, he scowled at me with such anger I shrank back. " _What the fuck_ are you doing out here beyond your sanctuary?"

***

Luke stared at me with wide blue eyes as the boy - whom I had come to know as Michael as he had introduces himself to me with his sword in my face - dragged me back to the hospital, muttering things about how mortals were always so foolish to think that they could escape this place without any consequences.

The blue-eyed blond had been running down the hallway looking frantic when we entered the waiting room.

"You're doing a _terrible_ job," was the first thing that Michael said to Luke before shoving me away from me roughly.

My Soul Guard shook his head at me in disappointment and pressed his lips together. "Oh Calum." He uttered, exhaling as he regarded me with his blue eyes ruefully. Honestly he was making me sick, in an obscure way.

Did he seriously think he could go all nuclear mode on me without taking the time to wonder whether it would make me run away from him?

For him being a somewhat powerful being, he was stupid.

I glared spitefully at Michael, who was regarding me in an condescendingly superior manner, over my shoulder and dusted myself off. "I didn't need your fucking help." I spat, losing my patience just by looking at his stupid face.

"Mhm, that's _definitely_ what I saw." He smirked, speaking in a rudely sarcastic tone. "I have _never_ actually met a mortal more capable of handling a Soul Eater better than Calum Thomas Hood."

" _Michael_." Luke hissed under his breath but it was too late.

Without really thinking it through, my anger got the best of me and immediately I found myself shoving Michael against the wall roughly. The sensation of the action was satisfying, watching him stumble back against the wall.

However his expression was less gratifying.

He was smirking like he was goading me. That smile that sat crooked on his lips, the condescending gleam in his gray-green eyes, everything about him ticked me off, perhaps more than Luke dod

Michael released a low chuckle, amused by the fact that I was raising my fist to punch him. He wasn't even fazed. "You're quite an impulsive person." He said.

I froze, though I wasn't sure why. "It doesn't fucking matter." I spat and before I could continue my blow, Luke yanked me away from Michael, wrapping his arms around me from behind and dragging me away roughly. I struggled hard for a moment against his ironlike hold, almost elbowing my Soul Guard in the gut when he released me.

The left side of Michael's mouth curved upwards. "Although out of your impetuousness, I did expect you to handle your problems head-on. However I am disappointed though ..."

"Michael, that's enough." Luke warned, stepping in between him and I. There was a worried expression upon his features as a familiar hum filled the air, his skin starting to glow.

Detachedly I realized Luke was preparing to defend me, even if it was from another Soul Guard - or whatever Michael wanted to call himself.

But there was no need to because the superior manner in which Michael held himself ebbed away as he regarded me carefully. His contemptuous gaze softened and I had a vague suspicion he was reading my soul like a book.

"Running away from your troubles doesn't work, Calum." He said, in an almost wistful tone. "You must see your problems and understand them from another perspective in order to overcome them."

I stiffened, almost involuntarily. "You don't know _anything_ about me." I said flatly with an undertone of venom. " _You_ don't know what it's like to be me."

He simply shook his head. "I was once a human as you were." Upon seeing my genuinely shock expression, he nodded.

"Michael." Luke tried to interrupt in an anxious voice. "I don't think --"

"No, he should know." Michael glanced at Luke with a solemn look on his face. "Don't you sense it? He sees us as a detached from what he is, beings who are completely incapable of feeling and understanding human emotions. He thinks we act superior to him, which may be a result of withholding of information."

Luke pressed his lips together as if he were weighing both risks and benefits of spilling it all to me. Judging from the crease in his eyebrows and the slow unsteady flicker of his blue eyes, I figured there would be some sort of consequence should they decide to tell me.

Shame washed over me when I realized what a brat I had been acting. I had caused so much problems, hurting people I love and creating trouble for myself all because I was thinking selfishly.

"I was once like you, as surprising as it may sound." Michael spoke. "I was in love and I had let my emotions get the best of me. For that, I paid dearly and lost all that I had."

The tightness in his tone indicated that he wasn't lying for I heard the hurt beneath it. I didn't know how long it had been since he became a Soul Guard, and neither would it so me any good if I did, but it sounded as though the memory itself was still fresh as a bleeding wound.

"Calum Hood, your anger is the reason why you see past your pain. Consider yourself fortunate to be given the chance to decide your fate and take this as an opportunity to broaden your perspective."

I bit my lip and averted my eyes. Truth be told, I couldn't bear the way he spoke to me. It made me feel awful and flawed, perhaps more than a regular person _should be_.

"Would you like to see your family before your time is over?" Luke questioned, gently.

I drew a breath, contemplating. I did resent them, in a way, but I wasn't sure if it did extend towards the sort of nasty feeling of wanting to be detached sooner from them. They were still my family, after all, my flesh and blood. It would be best if I did see them one last time should I decide to leave. However, I hesitated.

"If I agree to this, wouldn't that mean I would wake up from this coma?" I asked nervously, glancing at the time tattoo on my inner forearm. The bold black mark had shifted from _V_ to _IV_.

Michael shook his head. "Your allotted time isn't over yet. You will be able to see them albeit in your current form."

I stared at the two Soul Guards incomprehensibly before I gestured at myself. "You mean in spirit form? So I'm like a freaking ghost?"

"As a _spirit_." Luke nodded in confirmation. "Though not a ghost. Those are lesser chaos beings born from negative human memories who linger in the world of the living."

"So when do we leave?"

Michael waved his hand before him when the air shimmered like a mirage. "Now."

* * *

 

**III**

Unlike traveling between the planes of reality, the passage to my past was pleasantly different. As soon as I stepped into the portal that Michael had conjured, it was like dipping myself into a really cold swimming pool. I gasped, then half-expected my lungs to fill with water but it didn't instead when I stepped out of it, I was in a different place.

Though the sensation of plunging through air wasn't there, the feeling of dizziness hit me and I staggered.

"Easy there." Luke spoke, steadying me with a concerned look on his timeless features. His hands were strong and so were his icy blue-eyed gaze on me as I studied my surroundings curiously.

A jolt went down my spine when I recognized the familiar walls of the room, the cozy-looking furniture gathered around the coffee table and the scenery of the backyard garden through the window on my left. Slowly, as though in a daze, I made my way towards it and peered out.

Lying on the green grass was a child, who looked about the age of five, laughing joyously as he rolled in the lawn. His dark curling hair was flecked with green but not that he bothered. Raising his head, he looked right at the window.

A sick jolt passed through me. That kid was me. Slightly panicked, I backed away with the fear that I might've violated the rules of time and space and caused a paradox. A hand placed itself on my shoulder. I didn't even have to turn to look and see who it was.

"Don't worry." Luke said softly, his glacial blue gaze fixated on the child I was staring at. "We haven't traveled back through time; this is simply a past event we are witnessing." He explained.

Nodding, I drew a breath. "So, the past me won't notice?"

Luke shook his head and regarded me steadily. There was something about his tone that convinced me because I was making my way to the backyard. Pushing the back door open, I stepped onto the lawn only to find little Calum poking around curiously in the small herb garden that belonged to my mother.

It was amusing to watch his chubby hands grasp on the stems in curiosity, wide eyes shining when he felt the texture of the leaves. He giggled when a butterfly flew near to his face and tried to snatch it. A smile was growing on my face as I watched before I approached him.

Holding his bright red fire engine, he rolled it on the grass. I sat beside him, and there was a spark in my head. A brief image came but it was too fast for me to hold onto it. A memory, perhaps?

"Admiring yourself?" A cocky voice asked and I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes. "I must admit, you were quite an adorable but I didn't think it was possible to grow into a --"

"Will you shut up, Michael?" I snapped whipping my head around to flash him a very annoyed scowl.

Michael was leaning against the back door with that stupid smirk on his face, his sword propped against the wall beside him. He raised his hands with an innocent look on his face. "What? It was an honest opinion."

"Well, news flash: Nobody asked for _your fucking opinion_." I flashed him a gesture that wasn't supposed to be done in the presence of a kid. Then again, it's not like little Calum would notice anyway.

His smirk only grew with my poor excuse of a retort. "How rude of you. Cussing in front of a child. Your mother would be pleased."

As if on cue, another voice called out, familiar enough to snap me out of my indignation. "Calum!" Both me and the little Calum glanced at my mother who was opening the door. Somehow, I was hoping that Michael would fall unceremoniously backward on his ass but no such luck. Instead, my mother walked and passed right through him.

I stared with my mouth open, shocked.

In response, Michael wriggled his eyebrows.

"There you are." My mother picked little Calum up in her arms, clicking her tongue when she noticed the grass flecks on his body. "What have I told you about going outside without telling Mommy?" She chided him, though her voice bore audible signs of worry.

Little Calum pouted with guilt, and wrapped his arms around my mother. "I'm sorry, mommy. I-I just wanted to play."

My mother ran her fingers through his hair affectionately and I felt something tighten in my chest. Watching as she held him by the hand and led him back inside, I was only aware of how jealous I was. I realized that I still longed for my mother's touch. But it was a long time since I had even uttered a word to my mother.

Her work had kept us apart, and I would often return home to find an empty house. She was often away for work.

I was snapped out of my reverie when Michael's voice rang out. "Aww, is Calum envious of his past self?"

Shooting a glare, I was just in time to catch Luke punch Michael in the arm. I smiled.

***

The next memory took place a few years after the one I had witnessed. The ten-year old Calum before me was his room, seated at his study desk in front of the window. I was sitting on his - _my_ \- bed, watching him.

It still felt kinda weird to be watching myself yet not quite. Fortunately, Luke and Michael weren't there in the room with me - instead, allowed me some space to observe myself while they waited outside. Not that I minded anyway; my room was too small to fit all of us in.

He was supposed to be doing his homework but instead was busy doodling the latest installment of his own comic series in his drawing pad, his head ducked as he drew a series of lines, carefully smudging them with his eraser and redoing the lines to achieve the effect he had envisioned.

I hadn't drawn anything in a long time.

After he was satisfied with sketch, he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a set of coloring pencils, all blunt at the tips from use. Not really bothered by that, he began to color his artwork, features set with concentration.

I remembered back then I had aspired to be a comic book artist and devoted most of my time, besides soccer and whatnot, to honing my skills. I still drew from time to time but I lost my passion. Watching the Calum I was made me realize how I had left my own dreams in exchange for impulsive decisions.

I reflected back on the night I snuck out with Jordan and his friends. It felt like a lifetime ago and it also made me feel like an idiot.

I could hear young Calum's thoughts in my head as if it were my own.

_That art contest's deadline is about two weeks away and I haven't found inspiration. I gotta hurry up so I can win the contest and make Mommy and Daddy proud._

Sighing, I rubbed the back of my nape before reaching to ruffle young Calum's hair, even if my hand didn't connect with the dark curls. "Dream big, kid." I said softly before heading out of the room. Outside in the hallway, I heard my parents' voices coming from downstairs. I looked around; Luke and Michael were nowhere to be seen.

Not sure what else I was supposed to do, I wandered down to the kitchen and found my parents deep in a conversation at the table. Their expressions were serious and I felt myself feel uneasy. I approached them, carefully.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with our son." My father vexed and placed a hand on his temple, rubbing it as if it hurt. My chest tightened but I made no move as I continued to watch him in stony silence. "All he ever does these days is draw and --"

"David." My mom interrupted gently. "Don't worry about him. He's just doing what he loves."

"Doing what he loves won't get him a proper job in the future." My dad said, shaking his head. "He'd be better off as a - a lawyer or a doctor, perhaps.Or maybe a soccer player, since he's quite good. _Not_ an artist!" 

My blood began to boil. This was why I disliked him so much. He was never supportive of what I did and was never pleased with what I did, except for soccer. I stopped playing that sport because I got sick of him never attending my games. A father was supposed to be there for his son – even if he had a busy work life, would it hurt to postpone a work meeting just to watch his own son give it his all to make him proud?

Disgust and anger was swelling in my chest and the only way I could stop myself from lashing out was balling my fists and taking deep breaths. It helped but only a little.

I glanced at my mother, desperately wanting her to change his mind. If anyone could do it, she could.

"David, maybe you should try to understand him." She said. "Maybe take some time off work this weekend to spend some time with Calum. Besides, he has a match to play and you could talk to him after."

I remembered that game, the match when I broke my leg from a sliding tackle by the opposing team's player.

He was never there when the medical staff brought me to the hospital in the ambulance but Mom was.

The hot feeling in my chest was becoming unbearable, so was the urge to punch something so I did the smartest thing. I walked away - or rather, stormed up the stairs. The resentment, buried deep within me from long ago resurfaced, making my eyes burn with tears. I threw my bedroom door ope, cursing angrily and kicking the walls.

Young Calum didn't notice. He was listening to Mali talking to him anyway.

***

Fast forward to year before the present and I saw myself hurrying down the school hallway. Honestly, it was painful to watch, considering the number of students present there and jostling about. Hair flew into his face, backpacks thwacking against his body and him having to shoulder through the wall of bodies whilst fighting to keep a hold on his books.

Then-Calum looked like he wanted to punch someone when he finally exited the doors of school. I followed after him and observed as he stopped for a moment, glancing at his phone. He was scrolling through God-knows-what-I-don't-even-wanna-know when there was a car beeping. Glancing up irritably, he rolled his eyes, made his way over to the saloon car and got in. I knew why he was pissed. The other students - asshats - behind him were snickering.

Dashing over, I was just in time to throw myself in the  car when it started to move. Inside, Then-Calum was seated at the shotgun, with Mom at the driver's.

"How was school today?" She asked, beginning the standard set of questions.

He ignored her.

"Do you have any homework?"

Ignored again.

"What would you like --"

"Stop asking me questions, Mom." He snapped. "I'm not in a good mood and I'm not hungry." I hadn't given much thought to it but I was aware of how fucking rude of me to have used that tone on my mother. I was ashamed and realized that was the reason why she stopped asking me questions. Looking at the rearview mirror, I saw the hurt in my mother's expression and felt horribly awful; why hadn't I noticed _sooner_?

I bit my lip, sighing when a voice said beside me.

"Aww, are you noticing how unfilial you were?"

I started, head swiveling to the left when I saw Michael playing with the car window, seated beside me. There was that stupid smirk on his face, permanently plastered as wind whipped at his hair. He wasn't looking at me, but I knew he was about to make some comment about me.

"And now you decide to show your ass up." I sighed in disgust.

"I have a habit of making dramatic appearances." He turned to wink at me. "You can't deny that statement for you were there when I saved you from that Soul Eater, weren't you?"

"Shut the fuck up. Where's Luke --" I started violently again when I faced the right, finding my Soul Guard browsing through a copy of Playboy magazine. My jaw dropped as he stared casually at a topless model.

"I still don't understand how mortals can derive pleasure from regarding such imagery." Luke said, shaking his head. "I may have forgotten what it was like to be human when I transcended but that doesn't mean I am blind to human emotions." The magazine caught on fire, a bright flare of light that was quickly reduced. There were no ashes in his hands. He glanced sidelong at me. "Calum, do you still want to continue or do you want to return?"

I stared at those blue eyes and then down at my clasped hands on my lap. Biting my lip, I nodded. "Please show me the next memory vision."

"Of course."

* * *

 

**II**

"Calum, this is a ladybird." A girl with long dark hair that was tied up in a ponytail showed her younger brother what was in her cupped hands.

The little boy stared at it curiously, eyes wide as he leaned to get a closer look. "It's so cute, Mali! Look at those tiny spots." He laughed, pointing at the small beetle in her hands.

She grinned at him, her eyes gleaming with affection and love for her brother. Both little Calum and her had the same way of smiling: the way their eyes would crinkle at the sides and the same angle of the way their lips curved upwards.

I watched them, sitting on the cool green grass as they looked around for more of those small red spotted beetles in the bushes of the neighborhood park, laughter in the air. There was a dull ache of longing in my chest as I reflected on what I had seen earlier, happy memories of my childhood filling up the void in my thoughtless mind.

Rubbing my Mark aimlessly, I tried to ignore the fact that I still had 2 more hours, as indicated by the pulsing _II_ on my inner forearm. So far, I didn't think this memory thing was helping at all.

Both Mali and I hadn't spoken in awhile. The last time we did ended up in a really bad argument, which was a few months ago in real life. Her term break was ending and she had wanted to spend some quality sibling time with me. I bit my lip, feeling my eyes sting. I missed talking to her.

"How are you feeling?" My Soul Guard, Luke, sat carefully beside me. Everything about his movement was fluid and graceful; it was interesting to watch him as there was something about the way he held himself that was very different. I guessed that was because he wasn't human, at least not anymore.

I shook my head, exhaling. "I honestly have no idea." I replied and ran fingers through my hair. "I know this is supposed to help me make my decision but I don't really get why I have to watch myself and beat myself up for being such an asshole, y'know?"

Luke was wearing that sympathetic expression on his face when I glanced at him. He raised his hand then placed it on my shoulder. "What you are observing is simply a reminder. The purpose of these visions is not to guilt you rather to show you what you will be leaving behind should you choose Death and remind you of how these people whom you made the memories with have shaped you to become who you are now."

"But why my family?" I asked. "Like, out of all the people I know."

He gave me a sad smile. "Because your soul yearns for them. You miss their gestures of love, the laughters of happiness and the fond memories you've made together. It resonates deeply within you, which was why it was the easiest to conjure these visions up."

"Why not someone else?"

His blue eyes flashed. "Your soul wasn't as intertwined as it was with your family."

"Oh."

He nodded, silent for a few moments before he gestured. "Do you see that?"

I craned my head to look at where his index finger was pointing at. "Yea. I mean, that's me and Mali. Why?" I couldn't understand why he wanted me to see them.

He turned his gaze to the two children. "Just thought I'd point them out." He replied.

***

The next few memory vision thingy did nothing to make me feel better. By the time we reached the last moment I shared with Mali, I lost it.

I was watching how I had lashed out on Mali in the kitchen when she was preparing dinner for our family. It was the night before we were supposed to spend our siblings' day-out.

Mali was chopping up the carrots while then-Calum was marinating the meat. They weren't speaking. I observed how my sister had glanced hesitantly at me. She was always good at picking up peoples' thoughts; psychology was the course she had taken at her university so it was expected that she was reading me first before putting forth her proposition.

I was seated at the table where my family were supposed to have meals together, with Luke and Michael behind me.

Mali leaned against the counter, smiling at then-Calum. "So, are you free tomorrow?"

He glanced up but didn't reply after a few moments. "I'm busy."

While he didn't see it, her expression changed. Mali was always the confident girl, the one who never shied away from people. But when she heard my response, she practically hesitated. Putting the carrots onto a plate, she spoke up again. "Really? Too busy to spend time with your sister?"

It was the way she had put her words - though her tone was lighthearted - that ticked then-Calum, whom at that time wasn't having the best of his moods, off. He shot her a really exasperated glare. "Funny _you_ should ask. Why don't you visit more often if you want to spend more time with me?"

Her jaw dropped open and a hurt expression fell on her features. The savagery in then-Calum's tone hit her where it hurt. While it was true, I couldn't believe I had actually went that far. But I guess we don't really see the sins of our own unless we are the ones who are watching.

"Well I'm here now, aren't _I_?" And this was the pivotal moment that brewed the storm between us.

Then-Calum's eyes narrowed as he tossed a plate into the sink. There was a shattering noise but he was too angry to care. "Don't you think it's too little too late?"

Mali gave him a bewildered look. " _You're_ the one who said that I should put in more effort to spend time with you!" Her voice rose thinly. She was implying one of those talks we had before this. "Why waste time when I'm here already?!"

"I said I'm _fucking_ busy!" He growled.

She pressed her mouth into a thin, disapproving line. Tears shone in her eyes but not once did they flow out of their ducts. Her fists were shaking at the sides. "Do you know why I'm asking you now? Because I'm leaving. Tomorrow, in case you've forgotten, which _I_ think _you_ have. And you won't be seeing me till the next semester break."

Then-Calum was silent.

"You've changed. A lot." She said, quietly. "I didn't see it before because I was so busy with my studies. It's like I don't know you anymore." Her tone was sad, and wounded. It made my heart squeeze into a hard, painful ball in my chest.

"I don't have time for your sob story." Then-Calum replied indifferently. "If you cared so much about me, you wouldn't have left me alone with parents who don't seem like they care about me."

"Calum - they're working their asses off to support you --"

Then-Calum was too angry and resentful to care. We had spent the last few years watching as our family members start withdrawing from us one by one. It wasn't like before anymore.

Our mother, who was usually home started taking more shifts and her time spent at home got lesser and lesser. Our sister, Mali, worked her ass off to get into that bloody prestigious scholarship to study at her dream university and pursue the course she wanted. Our father, who rarely showed him any signs that he loved us, never returned home for days even; it was always his work before our family.

While it was understandable that the once caring and loving Calum had changed into an angsty and irritably moody teen, I wished I could undo everything and tried a little harder to be nicer to my family.

It was too much for me.

I sat up abruptly, making my chair to make a horrible screeching noise as it legs grounded against the floor. My head was a haze and I knew I was starting to doubt the effectiveness of this method to help me make my decision.

I had been such a jerk to my family. Why would they want me back anyway?

Luke started towards me, hands on my shoulder. His blue eyes were wide and startled-looking, filled with concern.

" _I can't_." I choked out past my swollen throat. "I can't do this anymore." I blinked hard to stop the warm liquid threatening to spill out of my eyes. "Please, take me back to the Hospital For Souls."

Michael crossed his arms, narrowed his gaze but said nothing.

Luke opened his mouth, wanting to protest. And he did. "But Calum, are you sure --"

"I'm fucking _sure_!" I snapped, shrugging off his hand from my shoulder angrily. He didn't understand. None of the Soul Guards understood how I was feeling.

These memory trips didn't help me. It only worsened the choking feeling of guilt and made me want to leave sooner. I didn't want to go back; I had given my family too much trouble. "Can't you make the time go faster or something?" I swiveled on Michael.

The Soul Guard's green eyes flared with a harsh glare. "I'm _not_ some entity capable of making changes to the flow of time."

"The rules are rules, Calum." Luke tried saying in a gentle tone to placate me. "You can't see the Higher until your time --"

"Well they're fucking pretentious bastards!" I yelled.

Both Luke and Michael froze, lips parted with utter shock.

I knew what I had said was blasphemous, in a sort, but where were they when I _needed_ them while I was living? Why didn't they help make my life _better_? If they were _truly_ all-powerful why didn't they intervene? Maybe they didn't really care about the lives of lesser beings like me.

The sides of my vision began to lose its color, graying. I was breathing hard, pushing past Luke and Michael until I was outside. The sky was fading and so were my surroundings. Soon enough, the past faded and I was back in the halls of the Hospital.

At that point, I was questioning the purpose of me being here at all.

***

With my Soul Guards nowhere to be seen, I found myself wandering the hallways without purpose. My mind was empty, my heart devoid of any emotions. I should be considering my options, both of which that weren't promising to me at the moment although Death seemed like a more suitable one.

It wasn't until I had say down on a bench did I realize I had somehow made my way to the reception area. I ran fingers through my hair then tugged them in despair. Every passing moment in this place made me feel like I was losing my mind.

I wondered if I would ever be the same again when I woke up. Would I remember every single vivid detail or would I shrug it off as a dream?

"Calum?"

Even if he was so utterly infuriating, I was too numb to get annoyed by his voice at all. Slowly, I looked up and saw Michael taking a seat beside me. "What do you want?" I asked wearily.

"The question is, what do you want?" He said. Though the response itself was enough to piss people off due to the way it was worded, his tone bore no traces of the intention to offend.

This was a new side I hadn't seen before in Michael.

"I want you to leave me alone."

A small amused smile played on his lips as he cocked his was. "You sure about that?"

I bit my lip, then shook my head. Taking a breath, I glanced at him. "Do you ever feel like you're at that point of wanting to throw everything away so they won't ever bother you again?" I paused. "Never mind; you probably don't."

"As a matter of fact, I do." He deadpanned. "At least I did, once, before I traded my mortality for this new incarnation."

I raised my eyebrows curiously.

"I know it's hard to be believe coning from a jerk like me - don't deny that you don't think I am. In fact, all the Soul Guards except for Luke and a few others don't get pissed at my attitude." Michael added then stopped because he was aware that he was beginning to ramble. He sighed. "Look, I just came to apologize to you."

I stared at him in surprise. "What?"

"As hard as it is to stomach that, it's true." He rolled his eyes at me. "It's just ... you remind me a lot of who I used to be when I was a mortal."

I tried to imagine Michael as fucked up as I was but couldn't. It was difficult to do so - maybe it was because he was a Soul Guard whom I suspected was superior to lowly humans like me? I didn't know but I let him continue.

"I had trouble controlling my anger too. I was very volatile, or what I would like to call, spirited. Then, I met someone though who wasn't ruffled by my temper. She ... understood what I was going through at that time - not that I'm encouraging you to find someone, though. Anyway, she meant a lot to me."

"But she was cursed by fate, and I didn't know until she was on her deathbed. It was hard on me. Somehow I joined the army because my home was no longer my solace for she was gone. I was just like you are: blinded by my resentment for everything. Fate struck again but I was given a chance though in the Hospital For Souls."

I frowned. That wasn't possible. He was supposed to be dead, whether he chose Life or Death as I suspected that his time was a _decades_ ago.

"Luke never told you this but ... there are three choices."

My heart skipped. "What?" I gasped. How could Luke, my own Soul Guard, keep this away from me?

Michael met my wild questioning gaze. "Life. Death. Or the Service." When he noticed my confused look, he explained. "You can live, die, or be one of the Soul Guards."

* * *

**I**

Th first thing I felt when Michael told me there was another option than the ones Luke had given me was disbelief. It was then replaced cold betrayal followed by a rush of anger. Slowly, I met Michael's eyes and knew from the solemn gaze that he wasn't lying to me.

I could either live, die or join the Soul Guards.

"That's crazy." I said, shaking my head. "T-Then why didn't Luke tell me sooner?"

Michael's features tightened and I saw something in his expression that I couldn't quite register. He drew a breath, visibly contemplating on this. "He didn't want another failure."

Something about his words would've made me want to punch Luke in his face except that Michael's expression indicated that he wasn't talking about me being a possible failure. He meant himself. I stared at him, conflicted between patting his shoulder and standing still.

Michael met my eyes and for a moment and I saw a number of emotions in them that swirled like the storm he had become when he fought that Soul Eater. "All Soul Guards were human once, which makes it easier for them to advise the lost souls. But the process to become one is ... complicated. Are you sure you want to know?"

I nodded.

"Luke lived during the beginning of the 6th century and only lived for seventeen years before he was stabbed from behind. He never knew who did it. His family were apothecaries but even with their knowledge of herbs and their medical skills, Luke remained unconscious for two days. In that period, he was visited by a Soul Guard who gave him the three choices."

"Luke learned a lot during his time in the Hospital. And because of what he learned he gave himself over to something much bigger than the physical world. It was hard for him at first when he transcended into a Soul Guard. There are many tasks but the most common ones are guiding lost souls and defending the Hospital from Soul Eaters. He advanced very quickly and managed to get himself promoted to a higher rank."

"But the day he met me when I was dying from a bullet lodged in my gut was the day I was given the offer to join the Service. Because of that, he became my mentor for at least a hundred years. And in that span, I fucked things up for him. You see I was headstrong, rebellious and bad-tempered. I could never properly guide souls when I was assigned to them. Luke pleaded my case so many times that even the Higher had no choice but to pin the blame for my behavior on Luke's methods of teaching me."

* * *

 

"He never did any wrong - it was just that I never listened to him and I got us both demoted. So now he only does simple tasks instead of the ones he used to do back when he had a higher position and I became what you saw me do earlier today: killing Soul Eaters. It's not an easy job doing that and I'm risking myself every single day dispatching those bastards."

"It's because of me that Luke never gives souls the option of joining the Service. He doesn't want a failure like me."

I was silent when he finished his story, unable to respond to it right away because it stirred something in me. I used to hate Michael but seeing the regret written all over his face made me think that maybe we had gotten off the wrong foot. Raising my hand, I put it on his shoulder and hugged him. He stiffened against me.

"What are you doing?"

"It's called a hug, dumbass." I rolled my eyes, patting his back. "It's supposed to make you feel better."

Michael hesitated before putting his arms around me. "Thank you." He was shaking against me. "It's been a long time since I last experienced physical affection."

I drew back, nodding awkwardly. "If you become a Soul Guard, does that mean you lose your memories of your past life?"

"Not really. It's hard to explain." Michael sighed, stepping away from me. "Sometimes you wake up not remembering who you were but some days there are memories, the most painful ones coming back to haunt you. For me, it's often the latter."

"Y'know, I thought you were an asshole." I admitted with a small laugh.

Michael's lips quirked upwards as he regarded me from the corner of his eyes. "I _am_ an asshole. But thank you for telling me that."

I glanced around the hallway, wondering where Luke was. He hadn't shown himself for the past ten minutes and I was starting to get worried. Raising my arm, I took a look at the Mark. Already was the _II_ fading into a _I_. Sighing, I placed my hands on my hip and shook my head. "One more hour."

"Have you made your mind up?" Michael questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yea. No." I replied. "Ok so why did you tell me that I could join the Service? Any intentions you'd like to let me know of before I make my big decision to get my ass out of here?"

"You have potential. And spirit. We're always lacking feisty ones that can hold themselves in a fight." Michael smirked then that expression faded into a serious one. "Since Luke is notably absent and time is running out, is there anything you'd like to do for the Last Hour?" He pointed at my arm where the Mark was situated.

I bit my lip, thinking. "I'd like to see myself before I go."

*

Traveling back to the land of the Living was the reverse of falling into the dimension where the Hospital was located. As soon as Michael opened a Portal, I was sucked into it almost immediately and soon I was shooting up in the air. The noises I had first heard when I was traveling between the planes of reality whispered above the sound of wind whipping past me.

The sensation of weightlessness created a tingle at the pit of my stomach before suddenly I hit a surface hard. Gasping, I rolled to my side in pain and cursed under my breath when Michael landed on his feet beside me. He helped me out, shaking his head. "You really need to work on your landing."

"Too bad that I won't be doing this more often." I said and he stared at me. "Big decision time?"

"Oh right." He nodded and looked around. We were standing in the hallway of the hospital where my body was. I took a look at the sign and somehow I knew where my body was. Gesturing for Michael to follow me, I walked down a few flights of stairs, turned three corners before reaching my ward.

There, I stopped.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked.

I was shaking like a leaf in the wind, tears threatening to spill. "D-Dad?" Never had I thought in the entire time that my father would be here, pacing anxiously outside the room where my body was. The look on his face broke my heart. He was crying and talking to my mother. I heard his words and it sounded like he was blaming himself.

In a different scenario, I would've agreed with my father and spat hurtful insults but all I could feel now was guilt. That was when I realized even after everything my father had done, I still loved him. I was just too stubborn to accept it. Taking a step forward, I found myself running up to him. "Dad!"

He couldn't hear me nor see me but it made me feel a little better for myself when I threw my arms around him and cried into his shoulder. It took some effort not to let my form pass through him but it was all I could do. His warmth seeped through my cold being, lulling me into a sense of safety. "I'm sorry, Dad."

Michael stood a little away from me family and I, unsure of what to do when he stiffened, eyes widening. "Calum." He began, with a hint of warning.

I barely heard him.

"Calum, watch out!" Before I could register, a gust of wind knocked me over when something terrifying leaped at me. I fell onto the ground, fetching up hard against a wall. Stars danced across my vision from the pain but that dissipated instantly when I saw the creature getting up a few feet away from me.

A Soul Eater.

This one was different from the one that attacked me outside of the Hospital For Souls. Instead of a humanoid form, it had a body that was similar to dog's. Instead of paws for its front limbs, it had clawed hands and it didn't have any legs at the back. It reared its ugly heads that had fangs dripping black venom and eyes that glowed like fire.

I fought back a scream and scrambled away as it launched itself toward me. It hit the wall and snarled, leaping right at me when Michael appeared in thin air and brought his blade in a slicing upwards arc. The Soul Eater shrieked and ducked away at the last moment but not before Michael's sword took off a chunk of its face.

Black blood sprayed everywhere, landing on my clothes. It began to burn away the fabric and came into contact with my skin. The sensation of the liquid was cool at first before it began to sear. I jammed a fist into my mouth, fighting back the screams of pain that threatened to tear out of me.

Michael had changed into his true form now, something that looked like a storm spirit. He assaulted the Soul Eater as fast as he moved, and soon it was reduced to dust. Michael turned back to me, a look of alarm in his features as he noticed my skin. Cursing, he was about to cut a gash in his arm so that he could use his ichor to heal me but then there was a howl.

And then other howls joined in.

"Shit!" He swore and quickly drew the blade on his skin. Golden liquid dripped out and he wiped some onto my chest where the worst damage was. "There's an Infestation."

"A what?" I was in daze from the pain. "Ouch, the blood."

"Soul Eaters are gathering here for some reason." Once he was done, he hauled me to my feet. "C'mon, we gotta get out of here." He tried to conjure a Portal but nothing worked. Swearing a great deal, he attempted once again only managing to waste his energy. "We're stuck. Fucking Soul Eaters blocked off my access."

I stared at him. Fear was exploding in me, causing tremors to shake my body. "Does that mean --"

"Michael? Calum?" A voice said and the both of us whipped around to find Luke looking at us with a surprised expression.

"Luke!" I made to approach to him but Michael held me back. "What are you doing? Let go!" I snapped at him.

But the Soul Guard's eyes were dangerously bright, flashes of lightning behind his gaze as he regarded Luke.

"What on earth do you think you two are doing?" My mouth dropped open when another Luke appeared out of nowhere from a dark rip in the fabric of reality, looking very angry.

"Wait, which is the real Luke?"

"I'm the real Luke." Both of Lukes said.

Michael's grip tightened on my arm that it nearly made me yelp out in pain from how hard he was holding me. His lips moved and words like the crackle of fire escaped from him.

The Luke that spoke to us first earlier grinned. It wasn't a good sort of a grin, it was the sort that made chills run down my back. His eyes turned from blue to black that covered even the whites.

"Luke, do it now!" Michael yelled and the Luke from behind us exploded into action. I hadn't seen him draw out a sword or anything but I saw one in his hand. It was a lighter looking blade compared to Michael's double-edged one and when Luke attacked, he was a blur.

The Soul Eater that disguised himself as my Soul Guard had returned to his original form, a reptillian-like creature with spikes protruding from its back glowing red eyes and fangs that stuck out from its snakelike snout. It struck Luke with a clawed hand only to have chopped off by Luke's blade.

Luke's form was burning away in a bright light and the heat coming off him caused the air to shimmer. My eyes could barely keep up and I felt a gust of wind from behind me. I turned around to find Michael engaging himself in combat with another Soul Eater.

They were defending me.

In a stare of panic, I looked around for some weapon I could use when I saw the Mark on my hand pulsing like heartbeat. My breath caught when the _I_ faded into a _O_.

*

It was cold at first.

I was wandering through darkness in a daze, not knowing how I ended here. Then there was light. I was in some sort of weird dimension and I was staring at three mirrors.

The reflections wavered and shifted before I realized I was looking at tree different versions of myself. The first mirror on my left showed an older version of me with my family. They were all laughing and sat around a table. Christmas decorations littered the room around them. My heart squeezed as I recalled how many Christmases I had spent without actually having the sort of joyful atmosphere.

I turned to look at the second mirror, which was directly across me. The reflection of Calum was behind it, looking blissful and happy on a lounge chair. There were clear blue skies above him and the sounds of waves meeting the shore could be heard. I didn't know why but I ha always loved beaches and this image of me chilling out made me want to reach for it. I looked so carefree and without worry in that mirror. I stopped short and made myself face the last mirror.

In the glass, I saw myself guiding a crying child by the hand. I watched as my reflection bent down to his knees and wiped the tears away, telling the child in gentle tones. With a jolt, I realized I was a Soul Guard in that mirror, taking the pain away from a human being who was far too young to have experienced this sort of pain.

 _Choose_. A single word echoed in my mind. I took a step back from the mirrors, wide-eyed.

What did I want most?

Closing my eyes. I allowed my instincts and deepest desire to guide me.

* * *

**END**

My skin began to burn, though it was in contact with cold air. A thick liquid was pulsing in my veins. There was a continuous thudding in my chest. A gas was filling into my chest, inflating my lungs. And then I inhaled a gasp of breath.

It felt like someone had glued my eyelids together when I tried to open my eyes. The world came into focus with an arctic wash of colors. I heard a persistent beeping in my surroundings. I blinked against the harsh light, trying to focus on a figure beside the bed, with an orange blanket wrapped around itself. Slowly, my vision sharpened and I realized I was staring at my best friend Ashton.

His curly fair hair had fell across his forehead in soft waves, giving him a younger and more carefree appearance. His eyes were closed, flitting behind his lids as he chased dreams. His glasses sat crookedly on his nose, at an angle that made him look awfully endearing.

Despite the sight, he was drooling over his shirt, mouth hanging open.

My throat felt incredibly dry and raw but I managed to release a croaky sound that was nowhere near to what I had intended to make. The room had been silent save for the beeping but my laugh somehow awoken Ashton, who would usually sleep like a tranquilized elephant.

He groaned and stirred. "Stop laughing at me, Calum. I'm trying to sleep here." He mumbled, half-snoring as he wiped his drool with the blanket. A few heartbeats had only passed before he bolted upright into sitting position, eyes wide open with disbelief.

"CALUM?!?" He exclaimed loud enough for the whole hospital to hear. The amount of emotions audible in his voice alone was enough for me to break a smile.

I gave him a weak thumbs-up, proving that I was really awake. "Hey." I whispered.

"Oh god!" Ashton squeaked and rushed forward, holding my cold hand in his warm ones. His bright hazel eyes were moist but they danced with immense relief and joy. The sight was enough to make me crack up a little, a tear sliding down my cheek.

"You're really fucking awake?" Ashton laughed with disbelief, running his fingers through his unruly mop of fair hair.

Not really having much energy, I simply nodded.

Blinking rapidly, he straightened up. "Alright, wait lemme go and get --"

He didn't finish his sentence for the door creaked opened, revealing the anxious faces of my family.

My mom looked drawn with exhaustion, visible from the lines on her face that hadn't previously been there.

Dark shadows encircled my dad's eyes and he appeared bone-weary and very worried. He was holding a cup of coffee in his hand but I knew caffeine couldn't hide the tiredness in his features.

And there was Mali. Her cheeks were splotchy red, a sign that she had been crying earlier. Her usually neat, now-dyed blonde hair looked messy as though she had been running her fingers through it repeatedly.

They stopped momentarily, staring at me with utter surprise.

My heart squeezed at the sight of them and my mind remembered what I had seen in my time between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Tears began to find their way down my cheeks, rolling in warm moist streaks. A smile curled my lips upwards as they surged forward with inaudible but relieved words.

I couldn't say anything but I hoped that they knew how grateful I was for them.

***

"Are you feeling dizzy? Do you need your hoodie?" My mom was still fussing over me, even after I had insisted I was alright.

Before I would've been immensely annoyed by her gesture but now I wasn't, instead laughing as I hugged her. "I'm fine." I assured.

My dad sniffled, wiping his nose and smiled at me. "Come now, honey." He said to my mom. "Let's get some paperwork settled before we bring Calum home."

My parents set towards wherever they needed to be while Mali sat me down on one of the benches in the waiting area, patting my cheek. "You're lucky I'm emotional but I would punch your guts for scaring us like that." She waved a dismissive hand at me when I asked whether she needed a tissue for her runny nose.

Amused, I decided to let her have a moment before my eyes drifted down towards the hallway where the hospital staff, intermingling with patients and visitors passed about.

It took me a second for to register that _they_ were staring at me.

I gaped in shock when I recognized their features. My heart skipped a beat and I blinked rapidly a few times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or whatever.

The Soul Guards stood amongst the people, Michael and Luke, unmoving. It was like watching water pass over rocks in a river. It was eerie how nobody seemed to notice the two entities in their vicinity. They didn't move, even when their gazes met mine. I had to admit that it was eerie how they were regarding me from that distance.

I wanted to get out of my chair and thank them for keeping me safe in my out-of-body experience and the hell of a journey I had to make before realizing my decision. But no matter how much I wanted to, I stared at them in incomprehensible shock.

Before I could pluck the courage to make my way towards them, the two Soul Guards disappeared when I blinked, leaving no traces of their presence.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


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